Doctors don’t tell you the entire truth about the excruciating slow recover after your heart nearly gives out. They don’t tell you that even after a month, you still dread climbing stairs, a walk can completely tire your body, and how important sleep becomes. The heart, as one discovers, is a powerful organ. When it breaks, your body feels like it’s been hit a few thousand times by a bus being driven on high speed.
A few weeks ago, I walked myself into a hospital feeling like an elephant was seating on my chest. I thought it was COVID but other than the difficulty in breathing the rest didn’t add up. I explained my symptoms and sat down waiting for the nurses to check whether my insurance checked out or not- it didn’t take long before I started gasping for air. It was not a pretty sight (not even for the other patients). The next minutes were a blur- one minute I was calling for the nurse, and the next minute found myself laying down on a hospital bed. Needless to say, I spent a few days in the hospital feeling weaker than I have ever felt in my life. The recovery has been excruciating, to say the least; but slowly, breathing doesn’t feel like labour, you are able to walk a whole flight of stairs without feeling like your heart is about to drop into your hands and your heart begins to find a new rhythm.
In life, you are always balancing several balls, waking up every day hoping not to drop the wrong one at the wrong time. In a university commencement address years ago, Brian Dyson, then CEO of Coca-Cola, spoke about the importance of balancing your life and creating the right priorities:-
Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling five balls in the air. You name them — work, family, health, friends and spirit — and you’re keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back.
But the other four balls — family, health, friends and spirit — are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged, or even shattered. They will never be the same.
You can always make more money or get another job- but you can’t revive the dead or recover lost time with family.
Health was the glass ball that nearly broke. Until my heart nearly gave out- the idea that I could die was not something I entertained often. My life was lived on a lane that accommodated too much imbalance. The wrong glass ball nearly broke and could have cost me my life. Then what? Sure- people would shed some tears, some people will miss me, and my family will be heartbroken. But sooner or later, I would be a passing memory. And all for what?
The period of recovery has given me a chance to unlearn bad habits- probably the same ones that nearly killed me. Some of the lessons I am learning through this journey are timeless and until now, seemed like a no-brainer:-
1. Make time to smell the roses
The saying that “you only have one life to live” means different things for different people. Before now, this saying has always pushed me to really define my own lane and what work-life balance means. Often, when someone comes to me and tells me that I don’t have a well-balanced life, they always refer to my very single status. “When are you going to start a family?” In other words, when are you getting married? But a work-life balance does not necessitate a marriage. Somehow society has made us believe that a good life means a husband or a wife. Personally, balance means taking the time to do the things you enjoy and making sure that you have fully integrated the seven dimensions of wellness- physical, mental, spiritual, occupational, environmental, emotional, intellectual, and social wellness. Whatever it means for you- just make time to do the things you enjoy besides “work”. For me- that means making more time for my hobbies such as cooking, baking, ballroom/Latin dancing and going on long drives.
2. Don’t chase waterfalls
The lie that we might tell ourselves often is that we can have it all. The “all” could mean different things for different people. However, the result is always the same. We find ourselves chasing waterfalls, and at the end of the rope- stressing over the wrong things. Your life is lived in seasons. There is a season for everything- and each season presents an opportunity for you to prioritize one thing over the other. Indra Nooyi, former PepsiCo Chairman and CEO captured it best “ I don’t think women can have it all…We pretend we have it all. We pretend we can have it all…the biological clock and the career clock are in total conflict with each other. Total, complete conflict. When you have to have kids, you have to build your career. Just as you’re rising to middle management, your kids need you…”
It’s not fair especially for women- but that is the reality. As a woman, this is something I have embraced fully. I can’t have it all- and I don’t want to. We spend a lot of our time trying to do everything- and in the end, we end up stressed, overworked, overcommitted and spread way too thin to have a healthy lifestyle.
3. Guard your time because every job comes with overhead costs
No matter who you are or what job you have- there are overhead costs. In my line of work, my overhead costs had become particularly high. What are the overhead costs? These are the things that inflate your calendar and do not necessarily mean that you are working. Most of the time, these are things that don’t enjoy doing but must do. It doesn’t mean that these things or events are not important, but merely that you need to organize them well. The trick is learning to apply the Pareto 80–20 principle to your calendar weekly. What are your top 20% that need your brainpower? These are the calendar items that you can contribute 80% impact. Then there is 80% in your calendar that you contribute 20% or so impact. Delegate some of these to your team, say no or be intentional about which of these items make it to your calendar. As a rule- if you are a senior manager 80% of your time should not be spent on meetings. So check your calendar- it is a reflection of your focus.
4. Pace yourself because work will never end
Our parents taught us that working hard was not negotiable. We saw them go to work, come home late and somehow this became normal. We accepted that this is the way that things should be. Hard work in itself is not bad- but when work is equated to the time you spend in the office then you might as well live in the office. Before the Covid-19 pandemic, I used to stay late in the office because I enjoyed the silence after 5 pm. However, there were unintended consequences because this might have set a bad precedence for my team. My staying late signalled to them that I valued staying late- which is not necessarily the case. Thankfully that has changed. There is no award for being the last in the office- I know this to be true because as a leader, the value I put on my team’s work is not dependent on the length of time they stay in the office.
Work will always be there tomorrow. Manage your time well, do not drop balls with your work but make sure you know what is highly impactful and highly urgent, and what needs to be paced out. Trust me- no one will thank you for working yourself to death.
5. Your passion is not your job
if you are lucky your passion and your job can be so tightly intertwined like a beautiful tapestry. When that is the case you will do your best work. However, do not confuse passion for a job and a job for passion. Furthermore don’t confuse your title as the definition of your job. How do you go about it? Define your mission. Define the passion behind the mission. The trick is to always be mindful that no matter the storms- mission comes first. Then go out to look for a job that aligns well with the two. Some of us are lucky to have found this. This was the silver lining of this entire experience. No matter the storms of the past couple of months, the joy of being able to do what I love is a gift.
At the end of the day, do what you love, and make sure that how you use your time and resources is intentionally designed to bring out the best of you. Most of all? Learn to be uncompromising in protecting the glass balls in your life and balancing the rubber balls well enough to live a purpose-driven life.
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