Personal Struggle…solution?

There are days you are completely emotional….and u just dont want to face those days. Probably because you think too much, and in the end, you end with no solutions. I have developed a habit of riding in the subway mindless, from one end to the other, just because I needed to think. Today was one of those days. For a while now, I have been reading and rereading a book about the AIDS situation in Sub-saharan Africa. I keep hoping that there is a light bulb moment, where I am supposed to find an answer to all my questions.
Have you ever gone through a period where you felt that you could strip off your identity, and just be someone else? I admit, this doesn’t happen to me very often, but when it does, i feel like the earth has been shook and it could swallow you?
I am proud of who I am…maybe not the best person, but my mum comes from good stock, and I would hope that I’ve at least got her goodness in me. Being African has thought me to be tough, and being a person of faith has thought me the essence of goodness in all men.
Today…those two identities were in conflict…and the two things that are the essence of who I am were, for lack of a better word, at loggerheads with each other.
I was telling a friend just the other day that if i had my way, AIDS orphans would have the bes that the world has to offer, and at times I wonder why they don’t. But reality comes and I have seen the other side of poverty,(and it isn’t pretty). Then the hardest thing, being able to pray and truly mean that “not my will but yours be done”.
Is there really no answer to AIDS? As I type, a child is losing a parent to AIDS. Somehow, I refuse to believe that the God I know to be merciful is really going to let that child suffer. Jesus was the one who told His disciples to “Let the children come to me” so why are they suffering.
I am not losing my faith, if anything, its stronger, but I wonder, what happened to a continent that I love so much.
Its no wonder people think God Abandoned Africa…I wondered at that myself a while back. Maybe the curse of Ham was truly upon us. But then I discovered that it wasnt God, but man’s actions that were turning my home into a bloody wasteland.
Prayer works…I heard this phrase being shouted as I walked from the subway. Yes, prayer works…but does that mean we cant work to help those who are in need of our help?
so am pissed…livid maybe, just because I can’t really find why. Have you ever felt helpless in a helpless situation? I’ve been working on this research paper for a year now, and every time I have hope that there is that solution that might work, it ends up in a dead end tunnel.
Should I be mad at evangelical christians who are making AIDS patients feel like low scams of the earth, instead of showing them love, and compassion(which is the gospel)
Should I be mad at the government because of the corruption and failed infrastructures?
or maybe the international community, for the foreign Aid which makes them feel good, but ends up doing less, because of the many stipulations that come with the overflow of millions?
Condoms wont work alone, and Abstinence(no matter how much the preaching)wont work alone, and neither will be prayer alone.
Zero grazing, yea, it has a chance of working, but like the rest of the men in the world, African man are not going to stop being polygamous and neither are they going to stop concurrent relationships.
Prayer wont stop a man from pulling down his pants, when the opportunity is there…
Praying and preaching about sin wont help a woman who has three children to feed and has no money or food….
or help an orphan who has to be tough to protect they siblings
or teach that child the important skills of life….
or help them cope with a dying parent that they have to bathe, clothe…
Christians(including myself) start using your hands, help those in need. Dont preach at them, dont judge them(ITS NOT YOUR PLACE!!!!) and just love them(isnt that what Christ did?)
International COmmunity….Stop giving money to governements that you very well know are corrupt (How stupid can you be?)
Help grassroot movements, those small community establishments that are helping childrent, and patients, to have atleast one more day of breathing……
So simple solutions for such a complicated situation….but maybe not so simple


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